Decide

what you want to do for the rest of your life

My choice for doing biology might have been pressured - having to decide WHAT I shall do the REST OF MY LIFE - it was my way to discover life in a setting that was acceptable for society in general.

There is no-one who agues with a scientist. Well, of course, there are some who might argue with the science but no-one would argue that as a scientist you have a place in society overall. You might not be fully understood (‘Who knows what she might be actually doing…’) but you DO HAVE A PLACE. 

And a place I meant to have. So, I went for the facts, the scientifically proven facts. It was a safe place. No contemplation there about how one is meant to exist, no ‘Why are we here?’, no existential crises. When learning about the little glands of fishes or the use of their air bladder you have no urge to dwell on how one begins or ceases to exist.

I still remember one of my scariest professors Prof. Eagle saying with his big moustache in front of us 300 students “And here is this little fringe…” while pointing on the screen showing a sliced open fish for our anatomy class.

There is a sense of safety in science and its facts. We maintain the safe ground of the mere rationale. No instant understanding of why I am here was needed. I could feel smart, on top of things, on top of all living beings that just live and do not know anything about how other beings function. 

I would not be able to handle VAGUE concepts.

Funny coincident that this year I’m involved with a conceptual and experimental art academy, studying and creating full-time. Well, let me tell you,

I CAN DEAL with vague concepts.

Life is funny, for sure. And there is much more to see and learn than what we first anticipate. 

Let me leave you with this, it does not matter where you start off, you might end up in the same place as someone who went the opposite direction.  And that is completely fine. 

Love, Hanna

From the years ‘00

Instead of choosing for what I love, what excites me, what I do with joy; I chose what I do not dislike. Not bad. Not good either. Bland. Flat. Colorless. Responsible.

I had no idea what to do. Literally no idea what I’d love, what I’d truly enjoy. During high school, I’ve chosen biology as a special direction only out of pure pressure. Needing to choose I started by crossing out the things that I really didn’t like and really didn’t want to study. That’s how I got stuck with biology - something that did not necessarily excite me endlessly in the beginning however I also did not hate the subject.

Instead of choosing for what I love, what excites me, what I do with joy; I chose what I do not dislike. Not bad. Not good either. Bland. Flat. Colorless. Responsible. Without much excitement. It was only later that I discovered what I have chosen, what I have come to discover here studying biology.

Life is biology. Biology is life. Let me explain something about the relationship between the two. I now truly believe that although I felt forced to choose a responsible subject for my studies, something serious and scientific, in that framework I have still chosen what I am most curious about. I have chosen life. A special homage to my curiosity of life, if you please.

Biology is the science of all that is living on Earth. Mostly it is busy understanding a living organism, or a network of a bunch of them. And my enthusiasm arrived. My pure joy studying biology originated from the fact that I was now learning about Life itself and it’s intricate systems, and details. How it works. How life makes changes within & without an organism. Studying complete ecosystems and the magic of the life of the inside of a busy cell - this latter makes me jump with excitement as I write this now.

My first step towards discovering life as it. The given reality. My given reality. And there was much more to come. And so there is for you, I promise.

Love, Hanna